Classic - One Sister Account of the Struggles In Modern Day to get married

This is an accounr from A Muslimat on one of the sites on behalf of market research, it speaks volumes:

Zara says:

December 10 at 11:05 am
1. Your age.
29

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

Where should i start from!

1a) My AGE – Muslim men seem to think that a woman post 21 has nothing to offer in a marriage! So us ‘oldies’ who didn’t wait to complete our careers or whatever but got stuck behind because we couldn’t find the right man or due to life’s struggles just found oursleves racing agaisnt time and kind of left on the shelf!

1b) SKIN COLOUR- There are some racists out there who will not consider a wife a shade lighter than almonds! lol. So being a light-skinned, tanned but not dark skinned lady, i simply get rejected by those who want the ‘tall,fair’ wife. I must add we’re also not good for those whose mothers want the ideal fair skinned daughter-inlaw/ bride for their sons.

1c) PHYSIQUE- There are some Muslim men who are no different to their non-Muslim counterparts and are obssessed with the s**y, babe image, so those of us who don’t have that physique aren’t quite up to it. Adding from the fair skinned comment, there’s the slim but healthy looking wife that is so desired.

1d) PROFESSIONALISM- If you have a degree but don’t work or aren’t career minded then for some brothers you won’t make a good wife. Even though you may be intelligent,smart and happy to work at home and don’t enjoy the rat race or the demands of working outside the home, you’re considered to be boring and un-adventurous!

1e) NOT AN ALIMAH/LADY AYESHA- So far all my obstacles have been dunya/materialistic but there’s a minority of men who are pious and willing to overlook the beauty,skin clolur thing but focus too heavily on marrying an angel. God forbid if you make a mistake or don’t wear abayah/niqaab, pr accept polygyny, or aren’t as dutiful as any of the sahabiyaat than your doomed for hell! This minorty can be just as frightening.

1f) TRIBALISM- Sadly there aren’t good quality men left in todays times. So looking outside your culture is an option although it presents its own issues. However, trying to get your parents to think out of the box and breaking their tribal mentality has got to be the hardest task really.

1g) MUMMYS BOYS!- Wants his wife to live at home, allows intefering parents and elders to control his marriage and wife. Only listens and obeys mummy even if she is an evil woman.( THE WORST OF THEM ALL IS THIS TYPE) lol

1h) HARSH/STRICT MEN!- The balanced man is hard to find! One who has understood Islam properly, who has the right balance, doesn’t enforce niqab and polygyny on his wife, isn’t demanding, hasn’t misunderstood the obedience issue, is happy go lucky and playful. Enjoys halal and forbids haraam. Lives according to the Sunnah and isn’t into culture or biddah!

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

Lots of du’a to Allah SWT to bless me with the coolness of my eyes, a righteous husband who is a blessing for me and i for him inshallah. I have challenged many neagtives out there, i have spoken to my folks greatly about the issue of triblaism and i have searched many times for my soulmate, am beginning to give up hope but believe too strongly in Qadr and have sabr in me yet! Mashallah. Any other suggestions, please let me know, there’s very little i can do to address the rest, i’m not prepared to bleach my skin colour, to invest in plastic surgery to grow the perfect body/image! Alhamdulillah, i like the way Allah swt has created me!