Saturday, 17 August 2013

Fair and Lovely...

This article is just a tip of the iceberg of the issue surrounding skin colour.  And it isn't just a subcontinent thing either.  I recently came across a Senegalese brother who confirmed that skin colour especially those that are of lighter tone are more favoured in their society.  I also understand there is a strata where there are different categories depending on which shade you were I.e if you were 50:50 where mother was white and father was anglo saxon white being the top of the pecking order and so on and so forth. 

With my family where all of our 6 siblings come from the same mother and father, we are all a different shade of brown, and even then their are prejudiced internally not to mention the external ones.

These prejudices stem from colonisation and the western kingdoms that brought this notion of white supremacy have a lot to answer for. Where the notion is you cannot be successful unless you are "fair".

This issues goes into all spheres of our lives from finding a suitable partner to finding employment.  Yes livelihood is at stake.  The obsession with whiteness even goes as far to the extent of putting filter colour categories on matrimonial sites ranging from "very fair", "wheatish"  to "dark".  This is not Dolly the Sheep cattle herding! 

We must individually get to the route of our individual prejudices in this respect before we can enable our children and their children to have an outlook that is colour blind.

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Home Alone?

Night Alone in House:

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Beware, no one should spend a night alone in a house with a single (divorced or widowed) woman unless he is married to her, or happens to be her Mahram.” [Muslim]“In the above Hadith, it is prohibited for any man to spend a night alone in a house with a non-Mahram woman. This prohibition is based on foresight and wisdom. In principle, it is prohibited for a non-Mahram man and woman to be alone together under all circumstances, but the specific prohibition of spending a night alone under one roof has been separately mentioned, because in the darkness of night where others are not likely to witness anything, the opportunities for misconduct are greater. Again, all the non-Mahram relatives, such as cousins and brothers-in-law, are also included in this prohibition. Often, women do not take precaution with these men and go in front of them without Hijab. This prohibition is both for men and women. Men have been addressed in the Hadith, because they are stronger and may not be easily deterred by a woman. “Imam Nawawi writes in Sharah Muslim that the reason that divorced and widowed women were separately mentioned in this Hadith is that due to their being alone, these women become easy prey for men who are looking to marry or have bad intentions. They will not dare to visit single girls because they protect themselves and are also protected by their parents.” [Hijab by Dr. Mohammed Ismail Memon Madani]

Thursday, 1 July 2010

The Whisper, the Look and the Touch

The Whisper, the Look and the Touch

The Language Between Spouses By Amr abu Khalil

Young at Heart

The delicate, refined Qur’anic expressions describing the intimate relationship between man and woman have surpassed anything that could be found in volumes of specialized books dealing openly with the subject of man-woman relationships.
The sexual relationship between a man and a woman has been described several times in the Qur’an:
[Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, O Muhammad.]
(Al-Baqarah 2:223)

[It is made lawful for you to go unto your wives on the night of the fast. They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them. Allah is aware that ye were deceiving yourselves in this respect and He hath turned in mercy toward you and relieved you. So hold intercourse with them and seek that which Allah hath ordained for you, and eat and drink until the white thread becometh distinct to you from the black thread of the dawn. Then strictly observe the fast till nightfall and touch them not, but be at your devotions in the mosques. These are the limits imposed by Allah, so approach them not. Thus Allah expoundeth His revelations to mankind that they may ward off (evil).]
(Al-Baqarah 2:187)

[How can you take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you?]
(An-Nisaa’ 4:21)

These verses describe the intimate relationship, the marital relationship, which is the total submission to one another.

The Whisper, the Look, and the Touch

The wife cultivates her husband and the husband cultivates his wife; the Qur’an uses agricultural terms to describe a sensitive relationship. To cultivate land means to turn the soil in order to air it, to rejuvenate it, to purify it; it means to prepare the land to receive and to produce. What does the husband have to do to cultivate his wife, especially when the term comes in a sexual context? The picture is complete: The man is free and totally delegated to approach his wife to make love to her in any fashion he wants, except that he should not penetrate from the anus as mentioned in the previous verse. The preparation of the soil is the preliminary groundwork before planting the seeds.

To the husband, his wife is all his; he should revitalize and invigorate her. He should make her feel his love in order for her to get rid of all pressure and existing sadness. The pleasure derived is not of the meeting of the two bodies to culminate in the erection and penetration of one organ into the other; it is the interaction between the land and the cultivator. The husband should not leave his wife’s body untouched, or un-caressed; otherwise, his work is not complete: a soft word in the ear, a tender look in the eyes. It is body talk, a mutual dialogue between the two; the wife is asked to reciprocate, if not the same then better. This is just a light interpretation of the Qur’anic term, the greater part of the explication will be left to the couple’s imagination and innovation to reach the farthest dimension of the term.

The Warmth of a Hug

The second image describes the act as a cover to the couple. The general meaning of a cover is the protection, the warmth, the containment, and the beautification: It is everything can you imagine yourself without clothing. During these intimate moments the husband and the wife become each other’s clothing. He takes her in his arms, and the closeness warms her; she feels secure. He grooms himself for her and she beautifies herself for him. She warms him with her body and subdues him with her gaze. To the extent they become part of each other, the couple during these moments become one.

Love and Emotions

The third image, the coming together, may seem to have a wider general meaning. It is true, but it also means the coming together of the bodies, which is one of its meanings. And both are part of a wider coming together, that of the meeting of the souls, the interlacing of emotions. The sexual relation is not complete; there is no sense of pleasure without the entwining of the souls. Without love, without emotions, the act will be one of repulsion instead of closeness.

The Tender Touch

Now comes the moment of intercourse, but He Almighty chose to describe it by using the word meeting of the flesh. In the Arabic language, it is a derivation of the word skin, the tender skin. Then why the choice of the wording to describe the act so romantically? It is a holy signal to remind the husbands and the wives that the relationship is not the meeting of two organs but it is the touching. Skin to skin, every part of the body meets its counterpart naturally, and the intercourse becomes a natural consequence of a general and comprehensive meeting between two bodies, between two spouses.

Give of Yourself

Then comes the finale, the miraculous verse and all the verses of the Qur’an are the work of miracle. To clarify everything we have been saying so far, it is the divine order to play, to cuddle, to do everything within your power to come close to each other. One has to strive to exhibit oneself in the best possible way; the purpose is to leave a fine impression on the soul. It is the basic element in all human relations. It is a beautiful Qur’anic epic depicting a befitting act in a most glorifying way, the ultimate act of love between two human beings who care for each other, and, for just a few moments, melt into each other.


Dr. Amr Abu Khalilis a doctor of psychiatry in Alexandria, Egypt and General Manager of the Center for Social & Psychological Help also in Alexandria.

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

The Pious Husband - Poetry

The Marriage to him is one half of the deen,
To please Allah (swt) is more than a dream.
He wears his beard for his Lord, to please and obey,
He turns to Allah (swt) for Salah at least five times a day.
He prays in the night and makes sure to wake you,
And strives during daylight to provide and protect you.
He lowers his gaze with firmness because he does not desire,
To displease Allah (swt) and face His just ire,
He asks advice from the ummah, and his wife too,
Before making decisions that he might later rue.
To his wife he is humble and always most kind,
Sharing his burdens with strength and clear mind.
He opens his mouth only to say what is best,
Weighing all options ‘fore denying a request.
He takes care of himself and family too
Knowing that Allah (swt) will see them through.
He is a pleasure from Allah (swt) above
Be thankful to Allah (swt) and His blessings through love.

The Pious Wife - Poetry

The Marriage to her is one half of the deen,
The benefit Allah has put in her is yet to be seen.
She wears her hijab for her Lord, to please and obey,
She turns to Allah for salaah at least five times each day.
She prays in the night and makes sure to awake you,
And sprinkles you with water if sleep should overtake you.
She protects her chastity with firmness because she does not desire,
To displease Allah and end up in the tormenting fire.
She asks the people who know when matters need to be rectified,
She is not blinded by self righteousness and foolish pride.
She is humble and kind to her husband as Allah has commanded,
Never leaving him alone, isolated, nor stranded.
She opens her mouth only to say what is best,
Not questioning her husband when he makes a request.
She takes care of herself and never ceases to try,
To beautify herself so to please his eye.
She is a pleasure Allah has given to us in this life,
Be thankful to Allaah alone for His blessing, THE PIOUS WIFE.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Muslim Marriage Documentary on CH4

I came across this Documentary on "Muslim and Looking for Love" on Channel 4 which went out on in the Summer of 09'. I missed this then, so on a Sunday whilst the Snooker is on and I am ironing, thought lets have a view of what CH4 has to say about this. (What an Irony)

This was filmed within the Birmigham Mosque Marriage Bureau. The footage was nothing new;

-A large and growing pool of educated sisters looking to find a similar brothers, who are few in number.
-The latter thinking the former are too "western" and thus cross towards the east to find them self a wife.

This inevitably leaves a big shortfall of good, available Brothers for our Sisters. Come on Brothers lets at least have the pool for Sisters to decide upon, and Sisters lets be honest, there is no Prophet PBUH amongst us, just like there is no A'isha (RA) amongst you. Lets be realistic, make dua to Allah swt for an easy path to our soul partners.

I do fear for the Ummah in the UK and in the West on the topic Marriage if this trend continues. And on this note, people should not seek to make a business as a result of this growing trend, as more and more I am finding event dinners and organisation creeping up, and really how much of this brings people together?

The line in the documentary which I like: "Match making is not an exact science". Yes it definitely is not, and we should all remember matches are made in Heaven and one should have faith and hope in Allah swt, they shall be united with their partner.

Some Advice for Me and For All Those Looking for Their Soul Partners:

Having the correct Intention for Marriage; Being Proactive in the Search, Using All your Contacts and All Mediums, Knowing What You Can Offer (Not only concentrating on your Wants), Speaking to Parents openly about Marriage, Keeping Parents informed of your Search and vice-versa, Most importanly having Sabr and Being Realistic in your Partner Profile. Having Faith in Your Lord. Seeking Allahs Guidance in All the Stages of your Search, even after you have found your Match, and Post Marriage too.

Insha'Allah I make Dua for All my Brothers and Sisters, For Allah swt to make it Easy to Find Our Comfort of Our Eyes. And for Allah to guide and enable us to raise a Happy Muslim Family. Aameen.